Mitsukake's Sugar Rush
by TA Maxwell
Summary: It was scary when Mitsukake ate a bag of chocolate coated coffee beans. It was frightful when Chiriko got his hands on Tasuki's sake store. But now it's time for things to get worse. Tasuki has a new craze, and it's not alcohol...
1. Mitsukake's Sugar Rush

TA: MWAHA! Now it is Mitsukake's turn to face the wrath of my pencil for no good reason! Now, it's time for…Mitsukake's Sugar High! And I own nothing here.  
  
It was a quiet day at Miaka's house. Well, quiet minus one thing.  
  
"ROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!"  
  
Mitsukake looked down at his stomach.  
  
"Gee, I'm hungry."  
  
That was exactly what the other seishi were getting: shopping for food and other random errands. Naturally Miaka and Tamahome were doing groceries. Hotohori, Nuriko, and Chiriko always went to the bank and a few other stores while Chichiri and Tasuki took care of the rest. Mitsukake had always been in charge of caring for the house. Dragging himself to the kitchen, he began to hunt for food.  
  
"Refried gator…. Nothing…"(AN: A girl in my acting class actually said this during a performance. Beware the refried gator!)  
  
"Fries are…nothing…and why do these things have such odd names?"  
  
"Pants tree…what's this?" There, in the pantry, hidden in a corner, was a small bag. With much trouble due to his amazing size, he bent down and retrieved the bag.  
  
"Cho-co….I can't read this…." His stomach roared again. "But as long as it's food!" he tore into the bag and devoured the contents hastily.  
  
Meanwhile….  
  
"How could Miaka send us to do this no da?!" Chichiri groaned, standing just outside the local pharmacy. Tasuki was just gawking at the list in his hand, muttering off a stream of obscenities that would make a biker blush. Finally, Tasuki just grumbled, "Let's get this fucking over with. Grab the shit, pay and get the fuck outta here."  
  
"But what if they ask no da?! They're not going to believe that it's for our Miko and her boyfriend no da…"  
  
"What I find more disturbing than shit is that they fuckin need some….."  
  
"I'm not doing this no da…"  
  
"I'd rather do this than face the wrath of a fuckin mad Miaka. It'll be a fuckin second."  
  
Chichiri groaned again.  
  
"One second no da…alright no da…"  
  
Tasuki took a deep breath and stepped into the store, tugging Chichiri with him. Needless to say (as these circumstances would prove) the store was huge.  
  
"Okay! Second's over no da!" Chichiri turned to bolt from the store. Tasuki reached out and grabbed his older friend by the shirt.  
  
"I'm goin in and yer fuckin going with me damn it…" Tasuki drug a reluctant Chichiri to the counter. Tasuki cleared his throat. The girl at the front looked up.  
  
"May I help you?" she asked. Her voice was calm and quiet.  
  
"Um…we…uh…looking…for…uh…" Panicking, Tasuki shoved the list into the girl's hand. Her eyes widened.  
  
"Oh…my…aisle 7…uh…hope you two put them to good use…"  
  
"I TOLD YOU NO DA! I TOLD YOU!!"  
  
Tasuki whacked Chichiri upside the head.  
  
"Not for us, for our fuckin friend who's too damn busy buying food to stuff that oversized mouth of hers with..."  
  
"Tasuki-chan….can we just get this over with no da?"  
  
The girl giggled.  
  
"Your other item is on aisle 6. Have a nice day!" Her voice was too cheerful. Chichiri sighed.  
  
"Miaka asking us to buy….condoms and tampons….she's pushing her luck no da…."  
  
A few hours later…  
  
"Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate!" Miaka burst in the door, dashing past Tamahome and making him drop his bags of groceries. Skidding to a stop in the kitchen, her forehead burrowed as she spied a small brown bag on the table. The lingering smell of chocolate danced around the room to her sensitive nose.  
  
"Mitsukake?!" Miaka called out.  
  
"Hai?!" a slightly familiar yet unfamiliar voice answered.  
  
"Have you seen my chocolate covered expresso beans?"  
  
"Dunno. What were they looking like?"  
  
"Mitsukake?" Never had she heard her friend speak like that before. "Where are you?"  
  
"Up heeeeeeeere."  
  
Miaka's head turned upwards. Inches away from her own face was another one, with a wild grin.  
  
"HELLO!!!!"  
  
Tamahome dropped the bags he was gathering at Miaka's scream. It had come from the kitchen. He skid inside to find Miaka staring up at Mitsukake, who was hanging from the kitchen fan.  
  
"Mitsukake?"  
  
"Hey! Tamahome! Look! I can fly!" Mitsukake jumped from the fan and landed face first on the tile floor. Tamahome cringed as the tiles broke with the weight.  
  
"What happened to him?" Tamahome edged over to Miaka, who was trembling. At first it seemed to be in fear, and then she spoke.  
  
"He….he…he ate all my chocolate covered expresso beans!!!!!!"  
  
Tamahome sweatdropped.  
  
"We're home no da!" Chichiri's call echoed into the kitchen.  
  
"Watch yourselves you two. We have a problem," Tamahome called back.  
  
"What could be worse than what we just fuckin had to go through for Miaka-baka?"  
  
"Mitsukake found a stash of chocolate covered expresso beans."  
  
The monk and bandit were there in a moment. Mitsukake was pushing himself off the ground. The tile had cracked from the impact, but there didn't seem to be any damage to Mitsukake.  
  
"Hey guys! You're back! Why don't we all sing a song?!" There was no change to Mitsukake's hyperactivity either.  
  
"Uh-oh…"  
  
"I know! How about Britney Spears! She's so sexy!! Oh Baby, baby! How was I supposed to know that something wasn't right here!"  
  
"AHHH!!!!! SPARE ME SUZAKU! KILL ME NOW!" Tasuki shrieked. Chichiri went off to make a holy ward against the evil spirits of caffeine and sugar. Tamahome twitched.  
  
"No…must…kill….Britney…"  
  
"Death to Spears!" Tasuki picked up his tessen from the ground and began to pummel Mitsukake with it.  
  
"Alright, alright! No Britney! How about Barney?! Or I can do the Pokemon theme song, or…AH!" Mitsukake dashed out of the room. Nuriko's high pitched scream hit their ears second later. Miaka poked her head out of the kitchen to find Mitsukake poised on Nuriko, gripping him tightly.  
  
"Piggyback Nuriko-chan! Piggyback!"  
  
"You're not getting a damn piggyback! Get off!"  
  
"Whyyyyy?" Mitsukake pouted.  
  
"You're squishing Chiriko…"  
  
Mitsukake let go of Nuriko. Indeed, there was the unfortunate child genius, half clinging half stuck to Nuriko's back.  
  
"Gomen Chiriko-chan! I'll sing you a song to cheer you up! I love you, you love me, we're a–"  
  
CLANG!!!  
  
Chichiri held the frying pan tightly. The shape of Mitsukake's head was imbedded in it, and the big guy himself was lying on the ground, swirls in his eyes.  
  
"It had to be done no da…"  
  
Everyone sighed in relief.  
  
"Miaka?" Tamahome asked quietly.  
  
"Hai?"  
  
"You are never, ever going to buy chocolate covered expresso beans again…." 


	2. Chiriko's Drunken Frenzy

TA: Don't blame me, blame five hours of no internet service.

Chiriko looked up from his book and sighed. Mitsukake was still tied to his chair, and it didn't look like he would be escaping anytime soon. He was fast asleep. Usually Chiriko would have been out shopping with the others, but he had been elected to stay home with Mitsukake to make sure he didn't get sugar high again. 

"I'm thirsty," Chiriko said to no one in particular. Tama mewed his response. Chiriko slid out of his chair and headed for the kitchen. Usually he had to get Chichiri or Tasuki or one of them to get him a glass, but of course, Mitsukake couldn't be untied and the others were out doing their shopping. Wondering if someone had put a bottle of water in the large, white mechanism in which food items are kept cold, he looked up at the handle. Curse being short. It was a time like this that Miboshi's levitation power would have been helpful, but the psychopathic monk dude was in the middle of a Obsessive Maniacal Possessors Anonymous meeting (AN: Purple Mouse, did I ever tell you how much I absolutely adore your fanfics? I don't claim to own this, because it's yours. I love that fic ^^). After prying open the door from the bottom, Chiriko gazed around the large white vastness of the large, white mechanism in which food items are kept cold, until he spied a bottle of cola with the label taken off on the bottle shelf in the back. 

"Liquid substance is liquid substance," Chiriko reached in and removed the bottle. Moments later, he placed the empty bottle in the trash can. "Didn't taste much like cola, demo, it was…rather good." Then he hiccuped.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"DAAAA!!!!!!" 

"OUT OF MY FUCKIN WAY!!!!"

Chichiri and Tasuki were dashing down a very busy road. At first, the reason was unable to be noticed, but moments later a swarm of fangirls galloped after then. 

"Chichiri love! Come back!"

"TASUKIIIIII!!!!!!!"

And so the chase went on.

"Library!" Chichiri dashed into the building for sanctuary. Tasuki blinked and stopped. 

"Chichiri? Yo, Chiri! Where'd you go?!"

"THERE HE IS!"

"GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tasuki started running again. Chichiri watched from inside the library doors as thousands of fangirls dashed after him.

"Phew na no da…" he sighed in relief. He turned to head into the library to see every girl's head in there staring at him.

"Uh oh…"

"EE!! It's CHICHIRI! GET HIM!"

"DAAAAAA!!!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tasuki slammed the door behind him. His Suzaku-given speed ability was extremely helpful. The fangirls were no where in sight.

"Da!" Chichiri popped in over the couch. "So…hot no da…" He took off his mask to wipe his face of sweat.

"There you are!" Tasuki glared. "Where the hell did you vanish off to and leave me to face those fangirls?!"

"The library, but it didn't help no da. They still found me no da." He finished drying his mask and replaced it on his face.

"Well…at least they won't find us here…Chiriko! Mitsukake! We're back!"

"SAVE MEEEE!!!!" Mitsukake's cry issued from the living room.

"Now what no da?" Chichiri ventured forth and stuck his head in the room. Before Tasuki could ask what was in there, Chichiri yanked his head out and slammed the door.

"CHICHIRI! GET BACK IN HERE AND HELP ME!!!!"

"What the fuck?" Tasuki opened the door and looked in. Chiriko sat in the middle of the floor in a large dress and a judge's gavel in his hands.

"Chiriko! You're not Taiitsukun! Put DOWN the mallet!"

"Quiet Nyan-Nyan!" Chiriko kicked the chair. It didn't move. "Hm. Must be losing my touch."

"Chiriko?! What the fuckin hell?!" Tasuki's mouth dropped open.

"Tasuki! I am not Chiriko! I am Mojo-Jojo! Mojo-Jojo I am, for I am none other than Mojo-Jojo! And I, Mojo-Jojo, will defeat the Powerpuff girls and take over the world! For I am, Mojo-Jojo! WAHAHAHA!!"

"K-kowai no da…" Chichiri trembled behind Tasuki.

"I thought we put all the sugar out of his reach!" Tasuki sweatdropped. Chiriko hiccuped.

"What about your alcoholic substances Tasuki no da?" Chichiri's eyes gave Tasuki the idea that he was being glared at.

"Um…um…oh shit…" Tasuki dashed off for the kitchen and returned a moment later. "Yep. Chiriko's drunk."

"You were supposed to keep that stuff out of his reach!" Mitsukake and Chichiri shouted together. 

"Oh baby! You drive me crazy!" Chiriko sang, very off key. Tasuki twitched. Everyone knew he had a thing against Britney Spears ever since Miaka had drug him and Tamahome to a concert. He slowly raised his tessen from his hand to in front of him.

"No Tasuki-chan no da! It's Chiriko!"

"I don't fuckin care! It's SPEARS!"

"What's Spears?" Nuriko stood in the doorway beside Hotohori.

"NURI-CHAN-SAMA!" A flying blur attacked Nuriko, knocking him over.

"IS SATURDAY OFFICIALLY "ATTACK THE STRONG CROSSDRESSER" DAY?!" Nuriko screamed from the floor. 

"Miaka leaped on him from behind earlier. They're still grocery shopping," Hotohori explained before looking down at Nuriko and Chiriko. "Whatever is wrong with Chiriko?"

"Tasuki left his alcohol where Chiriko could find it no da." Tasuki cowered at the feeling of a glare from Chichiri again. 

"I would have thought Chiriko had more sense than that," Hotohori stated the obvious.

"Well…ya see…I took the label off the bottle after I washed it last time and refilled it yester-"

"YOU IDIOT!" Tasuki found his head imbedded in the ceiling via a Nuriko Punch. 

"Nuriko, Have I ever told you how amazingly sexy you are?" Chiriko hugged the crossdresser tightly.

"You're too young for that sort of thing Chiriko no da." Chichiri detached the youngest seishi from Nuriko and plopped him in a chair.

"But, but, I'm a little teapot, short and stout! With pink llamas."

"Chiriko, you just stay still. If someone unties me I'll go make a medicine that will-"

"REKKA SHINEN!" Chiriko shouted. The fan exploded with flames, burning Tasuki in the process.

"Fuck…" Tasuki spat out with a smoke cloud before fainting. Chiriko giggled. 

"Look! I'm Tasuki!" Chiriko proceeded to spew out a stream of obscenities bad enough to make Tasuki bow his head in shame. He also followed each few words with "no da." Chichiri bowed his own head. 

"Suzaku I'm so ashamed no da…" He walked off, muttering something about making a ward against alcohol demons. Hotohori thought he heard beer bottles breaking in the kitchen moments later. He went to check it out.

"Nuriko, watch Chiriko and make sure he doesn't get away."

"Yes Hotohori-sama."

Hotohori proceeded to join Chichiri breaking beer bottles. Nuriko turned back to the chair Chiriko rested in…and found an empty chair.

"Uh oh…Chiriko?"

The door out onto the street was open.

"Oh shit…" Nuriko slapped a hand over his mouth before running out. "Chiriko! Chiriko, where are you?!"

Miaka and Tamahome stood in the driveway and bags of groceries littered the ground around their feet. Their eyes were on the roof. 

"WHOO! I'm on top of the world!!!" Chiriko's voice echoed. The dress he had worn previously hung off a bush. Nuriko cringed at the thought without even looking up.

"Go get a towel Miaka. I'll get the kid."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, Chiriko's been taken care of now no da?" Chichiri sighed in relief at Nuriko's news.

"Yep."

Upstairs…

Tasuki and Chiriko were stuck in a room together, Tasuki tied to a chair, Chiriko tied to his bed. Tears streamed down Tasuki's face.

"Sa-ke…" he sobbed. "All…gone…"

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedaledee. Here they are, standing in a row…" 


	3. Tasuki's Coffee Obsession

TA: Okay folks. It's 12:15 and I just FINISHED writing this. I was lying in bed just getting ready to go to sleep when I got the idea for this. Thus I had to write it. I know I'm mad, but whenever Nuriko gives me a nighttime idea, they're usually writing-worthy. So I listen. *sigh* no matter how late. 

Tasuki's coffee addiction

Tasuki's fanged mouth opened wide in a yawn as he trudged into the kitchen he shared with everyone else, including Miaka. Hence it was always empty of food and full of people. Chichiri sat on a barstool, a porcelain mug in his hands. Nuriko was bent over the sink, washing similar mugs.

"Well, look who's finally up no da!" Chichiri grinned, taking another sip of the glorious substance known to them all as coffee. Miaka had introduced them to the regular stuff after the incident with Mitsukake and the chocolate covered coffee beans, and now the majority of them were addicted. Nuriko was seen to dump a pound of sugar into his, while Chichiri used cream only. Hotohori usually stared into his cup until it cooled (not because it was too hot, but because he was so beautiful he'd forget to drink it until the steam stopped.) Miaka used a mixture of cream and sugar, while Tamahome went black. Mitsukake usually drank half and gave the rest to Tama-neko (giving the cat a caffeine buzz until noon at least.) Chiriko was the only one who didn't like it and always gave Tasuki his cup.

"Mornin'," Tasuki grumbled, moving to the cabinet for his specialty mug. 

"Geez, Tasuki, you slept so late, the coffee's all gone," Nuriko said absentmindedly while cleaning the remaining seishi's mugs. Tasuki blinked before his eyes bugged out.

"No coffee?" he squeaked. Nuriko nodded.

"CHIRIKO!!" the red haired bandit shouted. The tiniest seishi poked his head into the room.

"Hai, Tasuki-san?"

"Coffee?" he grinned hopefully.

"I thought you weren't going to get up, Tasuki-san, so I gave it to Chichiri-san!"

Tasuki's hopeful face fell.

"So we've got no coffee…"

"Nope no da."

"Not one drop."

"Nuriko already cleaned the coffee pot no da."

"Already?" Veins began to pop onto the fanged seishi's forehead.

"Hai no da."

That was it.

"NO DA! NO DA! NO FREAKIN DAAAA!!" Tasuki exploded. "GIMME MY GODDAMNED COFFEE YOU BASTAAAAAAAAAAAARDSSSSS!!!!"

Chiriko's eyes were widened as large as animely possible. All action had basically stopped in the house.

"Nuriko….you….make Tasuki some coffee….no da…" Without another word Chichiri bolted out of the room, grabbing Chiriko on the way. Nuriko looked terrified.

"Tasuki, I think it's time you learned how to use Mr. Coffee…" Nuriko squeaked, running out after the monk.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY COFFEE?!?!!" Another outburst arose from the kitchen, followed by a string of curses worse than ever heard in the house before. The doorbell was barely heard over it all. Miaka plugged her ears with her fingers and ran to the door. Unfortunately, in order to open the door, she had to unplug her ears. Groaning, she did so. 

"Hey, Miaka, what's the obscenity string about?" Keisuke stood at the doorway, blinking, a steaming McDonalds© cup in his hand. The string of curses stopped. Miaka's face fell as she scooted out of the doorway. "Miaka?"

"Keisuke, put down the coffee or run as fast as you can…"

However, it was too late. A moment later, a strong, redhaired force slammed into him and ripped the coffee from his hand.

"Coffee coffee lovely coffeeee oh how I love theee…." The bandit sang, rubbing his cheek against his newly claimed cup. The viewing seishi sweatdropped at their companion.

"I dunno if he's worse with coffee or with beer no da…" Chichiri muttered as Tasuki made his way to the kitchen.

"LOVE ME, COFFEE!! LOVE MEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

The rest of the group, containing Miaka, Chiriko, Nuriko, Mitsukake, and Tamahome confirmed that question.

"Beer." 

"COFFITY GOODNESS BABY!!!!" 


End file.
